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Questions of the Fake

  • Have you ever heard of  the saying "YOU break it, YOU buy it" before? I do not understand how one could obviously use something that was not theirs, break it, but not pay for it. Even if it is cheap, it is just the right thing to do.
  • Does the opinion of someone talking shit in the background ever count? It is hilarious that you had nothing to say when you were presented with this situation 5 minutes earlier. 
  • How mature is it to get into an argument with someone who is  half your age and then some? The opinion of someone who is certifiable doesn't really count, does it?
  • How can someone who says they are a friend send you a  message 3 days before they delete you from their friends list acting as if nothing is wrong? I did nothing in this situation. I have been a good friend to you no matter what, if you want to be fake and not say shit to me then so be it!

Oh and Ashley if your going to delete me from your friends list, you need to delete me from this one too! Bye and thanks for reading! Be sure to tell everyone I said HI when you repeat this entry (lets not lie to ourselves, we all know that is what you do). = )

Tired of Childish BS!

Why does it seem that your group of friends gets smaller and smaller with time? Those people who looked you straight in the eye and said that you were their best friend were simply telling you a lie! All I know is that I have been a REAL friend in this situation and I have done nothing wrong. If you don't agree then you have my number, you can explain what I did in this situation.

Round Two!

And Round Two Goes To....

You two really deserve each other. Both of  you guys talked so much shit about one another, couldn't stand the thought of the other person even living and now your back together. You caused so much drama and made people stop being friends because of your bull shit.  One of you tried some bull shit by acting like you were genuine and wanted to try and fix the problems you caused but when it came down to actually doing it, you just ran like you always do. The other flacked out on the people that were there for him the most. You started making lies and excuses not to hang out while the entire time you were hanging out with some bitch that wished you DIED!

This round ends in a tie. You both deserve each other because of the simple fact that you don't know how to be a real friend. I just hope this time doesn't end in one of you in jail. Oh and why do you choose to hide? Are you embarrassed being seen with the other one. Are you ashamed or have guilt?

Oh and when the same drama happens again who will either one of you run to?

And then there was three!

A high school friend once told me that when you are a freshmen, you have friends up the ass. As you mature and get older your group of friends slowly get smaller and smaller. With the fourth year of me being out of high school quickly approaching, I can honestly say that this is true. Now days, I find myself hanging out with the two people that matter the most to me, my closest friends, my bff's if you will, Lala and R dizzle.  And to be completely honest, I am kind of glad that my group of close friends consist of two people. Dont get me wrong, I love everyone that is in my life, and I care about everyone that I chill with but they are not my Lala or R dizzle. These two friends are people that I can come and talk to about any problem I have. They allow and accept me for who I  am and actually care for me. It was hard to get to this point and believe me, it was A LOT of DRAMA! But I am so glad to have gone through all of that to find these amazing friends. It kills me that I dont have the money to get them something that they both deserve but as soon as I get a job, it will be christmas all over for them! 

I just want you two to know that I really appreciate all that you have done for me and I love that you are in my life!

Better by the Minute!

Today is such a good day! I am feeling a lot better and have decided not to freak out about my Liver. Life is too short and if there is something wrong with my liver then I am just going to have to deal with it. I just have to keep believing that I am a strong person and no matter what obstacle I have in my llife I will get through it because I am a SURVIVOR! ( and yes I am listening to Destinys Child) I have a great family even if they are a LITTLE CRAZY and AMAZING friends that will get me through this. I cant let this LIVER ISSUE get to me because I need to be strong for my family and friends. I mean we all have a lot of CRAP going on right now and I need  to be there for the people I love the most. The stronger that I am the more I can be helpful to those that I love. It just feels really good to not worry!

Liver is the Issue

All that I can say is that I am so fuckin tired of always having to deal with something! I am just over having to be the strong one, having to take it easy, I am tired of always having to have something worng with me. Dont get me wrong, I wouldnt wish anything that has gone wrong in my life upon anyone. I am just tired of having all this crap wrong with me. Yesterday I went to my new Dr. excited to finally have my lupos under control and then he looked at my lab reports and told me that my Liver levels are super high. I am just really scared because it could be a number of things wrong with me. But I am really worried because now that I am getting over my pill situation I have all of these issues going on with my liver. I am just really scared because I dont know if that has anything to do with what is going on and im just scared to realize that I may have really hurt my body!

hoping for the best, preparing for the worst.

Say NO to CHEMO!!!

For the last three weeks I have been having to take chemo to help regulate my Lupus. I can honestly say that I am SO TIRED of having to take this CHEMO!!! It is making me so sick, like i feel like I am going to throw up at any moment, and I am just DRAINED all of the time. I HATE that me being sick makes me not be allowed to kick it with my friends, or help out as much as I wanted with the invitations of Ryan's B*DAY Party! Im just so tired of feeling this way, and I feel like I am alone in dealing with this. Like I know I have my family (friends are my family) but I just really feel like I have to deal with this by myself because I dont want anyone to have to worry about me. I am just over feeling like this, and maybe I am being too emotional because of all the MEDS that I am on!

On a positive note, I only have 2 more WEEKS of CHEMO!!!

Once I am done with the chemo, best believe we will have to celebrate!!!

My FAV 8 of 2008!!!

I am so glad that this christmas is finally over! This year has been a year full of obstacles, and EVERYONE has been going through so much that this year needs to end! With all of the drama this year,I just want to thank everyone that I love! So here ae MY FAV 8 OF 2008!!!

LaLa: My baby boo, you have helped me out in so many ways! I love you so much and am so glad that you and I are able to be BFF! I just want you to know that I am so lucky to have you in my life!

Ari: My cuz, you have always been by my side and I am truely greatful to have your support in my life. You are one of the few people in my life that I could talk to whenever and will always be there for me. I love you soo much!

Ryan: The Stoner Roner! You are an amazing friend! I just want to thank you for being such a GREAT friend! You are so talented and I cant wait to see where your talent will take you. I am so glad that I have been able to get to know you and i truely appreciate your friendship. 

Codah: Wow, this past year has been soo crazy! Codah you have changed so much for the better! I am so proud of you and am so glad that you and I have become friends! After all, you are my CALL A FRIEND!!!

Moana: MOOOAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNAAAA! LOL your a crazy bitch, but I love ya! I just want to thank you for being someone I can talk to and I love that about you!

JAY MAY: I'm sad that you already have to leave and couldnt stay in the High Desert but you have to do what is best for you! You are an amazing girl with soo much talent! I know that you are going to be huge, just keep on working hard and you will be on top, lol!

Glo: My cuz, I love you so much! I am so glad and lucky to have you in my life! I love ya boo!

B*TRAIN: Wow we have been bf for years now, and I wouldnt have it any other way. B thank you for always being here for me, and i love you so much! I miss you too much! I am so proud of you and all the great changes you have made in your life! I love ya Boo!

These are the people in my life I cant live without! I love ya all and all of you help me  get through my crazy life so I am thankful to have all of you in my life! Now lets ring in the New Year like we have never before! Im so excited to see where this next year is going to take all of us!

So Tired of being So Tired

So Tired of being So Tired

So Tired of feeling so tired. So Tired of being sick. So Tired of wondering if I will lose my hair.So Tired of not being able to be seen for who I really am. So Tired. So Tired of having to be cautious. So Tired of living a life that isn't even a life to live. So Tired of all the pain. So Tired of all the tears and fears. So Tired. So Tired I want to scream. So Tired I want to dream. I'm always So Tired.



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